Ep 34 Self sabotage
Melissa: [00:00:00] Hey, I'm Melissa Grant, licensed nutritionist and creator of drop the diet weight loss. I am on a mission to help women drop the fad diets and lose weight in a way they love for the last damn time. I know you're ready to end the yo-yo dieting and do this weight loss thing for good. So let's go. Hey, Hey, welcome back today.
I have another popular topic coming at you. Self-sabotage sounds like I know what to do, but I'm just not doing it. Or I must not want this bad enough or I'm good for a bit. And then I fall off. I think we can all relate to this behavior at some point, whether it's for weight loss, health in relationships or.
I see this self-sabotaging pattern come up a lot with the women I coach [00:01:00] and the question. Why do I always self sabotage myself is one of the most common questions I get asked about, which is why today I'm going to chat about what it is, how it shows up and how you can eliminate it and get after those important goals.
So self-sabotage is defined as creating unnecessary problems for yourself that interfere with or undermine. Own goals. And sometimes you're conscious about it. And sometimes it's happening completely. Unconsciously self-sabotage is a habit. It happens when an old pattern gets triggered a pattern that you learned probably years and years ago that has served you in some way.
It's just not serving you anymore. But this pattern, it had its rewards. That's how it became a pattern. And. The rewards could be things like keeping you comfortable [00:02:00] or safe from failure. . This self sabotage pattern is the brain's way of keeping you safe, feeling comfortable and familiar. Our brains are wired to seek pleasure and comfort in the moment, which is why it likes to go to things that you've always done.
Even if the behavior is actually causing you. Self-sabotage shows up and has a different meaning for all of us. It can show up in the form of people pleasing, which I talked all about in last week's episode, but it's sacrificing your own goals and needs for what you think others. Self sabotage shows up as procrastination like overeating and overdrinking and then saying, I'll start this weight loss thing over again.
On Monday, it can show up as fear of failure. Like nothing has worked for me in the past. Why would this time be anything? It shows up as perfectionism. Like you make a mistake and think up, I [00:03:00] messed it up again. I wasn't perfect. I'll have to start over instead of taking that mistake, learning from it and moving forward
and also not setting any goals is a form of self sabotage. There's so many ways it presents itself. But the good news here is that this is a pattern that you are in control of, and you can change. I'm going to give you my three step process on how to do that. And the first step in moving away from it is to become aware of it.
Because, as I mentioned earlier, some of these patterns are unconscious. You don't even realize that you're doing them. So it might take a little digging around and asking yourself some good questions. And I want to give you a few questions to get you started. The first one is, well, is there an unwanted behavior that's undermining your.
And then what is causing you to self-sabotage what's the trigger and then ask yourself, where did this start? [00:04:00] And with this question, you're not trying to figure out who or what to blame. You just want to become aware of where it started so that you can understand it more. And then the next question is what is the emotion that you are trying to avoid?
That's driving you to self-sabotage and find. What is the thought that you have about yourself that interferes with your goals or the results you're after? Uh, once you become more aware of this, then the next step is to own. It self-sabotage is a choice. It's not something that's happening to you.
Take ownership that this is a way you react to your emotions. It's a choice you make to feel differently. And by owning it, I don't mean beating yourself up over it. By taking ownership of it. You're taking the control back when you own it, you can begin to change it. All right. [00:05:00] And then the last step is to start to rewrite the story.
You're telling yourself, flip the script, whatever the thoughts are, that's driving the behavior. You're going to want to get to work on reframing them. So let me give you an example of putting all of this into action. Let's take the, um, good for a little bit. And then I fall off the. I do want to mention with this one that something you want to look at here also is, is falling off the wagon happening because you're doing things to lose weight that are unsustainable things that are extreme things that you can't see yourself doing in the future. If so, that's the first place to start, but if you've been hanging out here with me for while.
I know you're moving away from the extremes and the fad diets and are working on small changes and building new habits. But if the I'm good for a little bit and I fall off, if [00:06:00] something you find yourself saying, what you need to do here is to find the other thoughts that are coming up with this. So if the unwanted behavior is falling off the wagon, What does that actually mean to you?
What does that look like? Is it over eating over drinking? Is it for a day, for a week for good. And then what leads up to the falling off? What are the thoughts? Is it, I just can't be consistent or maybe I just don't actually want this or I'm not good enough to do this or this isn't going fast. And by the way, these thoughts are all very normal.
You're human, everyone moves through these kinds of thoughts, but when you can catch them and start to reframe them, you can begin to move out of these self-sabotaging patterns, start to reframe the thought. So for example, instead of this, isn't going fast enough, it might be saying something like it might not be [00:07:00] going as fast as I like, but I'm trusting the process.
Because quitting, certainly won't get me there faster. So from these thoughts, then what are the emotions that they are creating for you? What are the emotions that lead to the self-sabotage behavior? Now these are the emotions that you need to sit in. It's gonna be a little uncomfortable, but using food to distract from them is just reinforcing
the self sabotage cycle.
So once you know these things, then you can plan for the urges, the thoughts, the emotions, and create a plan where you won't give into the things that create the self-sabotage behavior, a plan where your deciding on purpose to do something different. I'll give you another quick example of one of my ladies who felt like she was self-sabotaging on the.
She said, I just get caught up in the moment [00:08:00] with overeating and overdrinking I have no control. Well, first of all, going into her weekends with the thought of, I have no control was setting her up for exactly that the brain loves to prove true. What you tell it. So we followed the process that I laid out.
We dug into what was really going on for her, the thoughts, the emotions that were leading to overdoing it on the weekends , and for her, she had a ton of work, stress and overwhelm and anxiety about the next week ahead. So the overeating and drinking was her way to relax, to not think about work.
In some ways she was using it to recharge. It wasn't actually recharging her, but it's not that she doesn't have control. She's just created this pattern to use food and booze, to avoid these emotions of stress, overwhelm and anxiety. So as soon as she feels that [00:09:00] stress and overwhelm her brain is like, yep.
Okay, I got you. I know what we do for this. We eat and we drink. So now that we know. We know what to expect, that when she feels stress and overwhelmed, she will be pulled towards food and booze,
and we know why she has this urge. So knowing what to expect, allowed us to strategize ways she can better set herself up for success so that she can go into the weekends more deliberately with a plan versus just trying to. And with a new story letting go of that. I have no control story and deliberately doing something different.
So if any of this resonates with you, I want to remind you that this isn't about not wanting weight loss. Bad enough here. That's not the problem. You do want it. I know this, but in the moment you also want other things like maybe food or booze. These things are just competing against each [00:10:00] other. And the one that wins is usually the one that feels best in the moment.
So in these moments, take a pause and ask yourself is the short term payoff worth exchanging for the longterm? All right. Your action step for this week is to uncover if you have any self-sabotaging behaviors that are holding you back from your goals. And if so, go through that three-step process. Catch those thinking patterns of I'm not being good enough, or this won't work for me, or I'm not capable.
And don't give into them when you keep practicing. You'll build momentum and you will move out of this self-sabotage pattern. Remember, you are in control. This isn't happening to you decide on purpose to do something different and make a plan for it. And it's not going to feel comfy at first and that's okay.
You're human and growth is not always comfortable, but it's [00:11:00] necessary. Just keep moving forward and learn from each thing you do or don't do. And as always, I'm here to support you. And if you know someone that would benefit from this episode, please share it. I would be so, so grateful. Thanks so much for being here with me.
I'll see you next week. .